I am stuck on this word
Not even sure why. I just hear it and feel that it is what I need. A fall from grace….that is what I feel I have suffered most days. I lost something precious to me….something that every so often pains me. I know I will make it. But still, on a long night around three AM I find myself suddenly awake and knowing there is something missing. It was lost to me, not because of failed attempts or malfeasance, but because of a lack of understanding and a loss of communication. When the talking stops, we all lose something.
And so now I seek to rebuild. I try to be more aware of my mindset and feelings, my urges and insistencies as much as possible. I know that there were many things I could have done differently and that is the beauty of my situation: I know I can be better and I finally have the means to do so! I finally have myself in a position to be positive about my life!
For a long time I beat myself up. For a long time I thought I needed what I have been missing. I put so much stock in it that I did not realize how harmful it was for me. Now….I have so many opportunities have presented themselves to me and I am actually able to advance!
In time…I know I will feel better. I have worked hard to achieve financial stability, and now for the first time I am actually saving, building my financial future, and actually seeing positive growth! No more paying off debts! Its a surplus for me!
And now I can fully focus on me. I am healthy, active, and working hard to make myself the upstanding moral citizen I have always aspired to be. I have so many great and powerful role models and though I faltered from their example once….I have worked hard to make sure it will never happen again.
This is just an update! Forgive the length but I had a lot to get off my chest!